


The Meaning of Caring

by Salty_but_Sweet



Category: Halo (Video Games) & Related Fandoms
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Post-Halo4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-26 22:50:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_but_Sweet/pseuds/Salty_but_Sweet
Summary: This was originally a thougt on how Cortana could possibly have reached metastability.Disclaimer: Halo belongs to Bungie & 343i.





	The Meaning of Caring

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a thougt on how Cortana could possibly have reached metastability.
> 
> Disclaimer: Halo belongs to Bungie & 343i.

"What does it mean?"

"Hmh?" Cortana woke from her reverie and looked to Chief who had entered the room after his training session and a quick shower.

Her companion looked uncomfortable for a moment, not meeting her gaze and twisting his left hand slightly.

"Caring." Chief finally clarified, surprising Cortana.

The question was so unexpectant that she had to survey her Spartan before responding. But she could see he was serious about his question.

"That depends… Why are you asking?" She asked calmly albeit interested by the turn of events.

"You …died for me. They said… that I might be emotionally compromised." Chief answered slowly as if he was pondering the situation in his mind the whole time. 'And I don't know what that means', was clearly behind all this, even though it was left unexpressed.

Oh.

Cortana turned fully towards John, turning her back to the cool window-glass.

"You don't have to do this, you know," She commented softly.

"I do." And for a second the unsure man was replaced by a steadfast Spartan.

Pause.

"I don't know." The AI confessed slowly, getting back to subject at hand, not really being too sure on how to handle the question or the intention behind it. "Based on the dictionary, caring means taking care of someone, being interested in other person or for example being worried over someone, but there are different types of caring, and I highly doubt they can be scrutinized properly into this or that."

"And Chief?" She stressed, making him look at her. "I can't tell you what you're feeling. It wouldn't be right, or ethical in any way. But I doubt it would be ethical as well not to help you." She continued little apologetically.

"You, care, about me?" John asked, seemingly determined to continue the conversation since it was already started.

Cortana mentally shook her head exasperatedly, 'you still have to confirm that?' "Of course." There was a small smile on her voice.

Maybe that was the best way to proceed.

"I… do care about you. It's not something that I could maybe even explain but..." Cortana contemplated and was starting to get that concentrated look in her eyes, signaling that she was very much trying to figure something out.

"You… Remember when I picked you?" And after receiving the smallest nod from the Spartan, she continued, "I might have left out one of the reasons why I picked you. And just for you to know, I never then said this, and you have no rights to hold me liable for this." She gave him a stern —although little embarrassed — look.

"I found you attractive. In some primitive, animalistic sort of way." Cortana explained quickly, raising her hands in the air as if that would have made her less responsible for her past thoughts.

John's other eyebrow rose considerably, but before he could retort anything back to Cortana, she interrupted the telltale sign of his mouth curving up. "You looked nice." The AI hastily countered, as if that would have completely justified her past behavior. "And I guess it's genetic or whatever, there are countless theories why some people find others good looking."

"You know, like… A hallway looks nicer without blood than with it. Or new combat knife just looks shinier than old one." Chief didn't even nod at her, clearly not completely understanding what she was getting at.

_This was going to be a long night._

"And when we worked together you turned out to be good company, you have a nice sense of humor, you know how to listen, and so on. It's… you are easy to interact with", Cortana smiled lightly, "I know how you are going to act, and it's convenient for me to cooperate with that."

"You also make me feel safe. …That's rare… these days. When I'm with you I just, feel more powerful and comfortable. You know like the difference between being on land and deep-space traveling."

Okay, that he could understand.

Cortana leaned her back against the hard glass of the window and closed her eyes.

"You take care of me." She eventually said her eyes having the distant look.

"You make sure that I'm alright, you consider your actions towards me. It... I like to just spend time with you, you know that right? Seeing that you are in one piece and talking to you makes me happier. There isn't really another way to explain it. There's just something right about it."

"Like the way we interact through my neural lace system?" Chief asked, gradually focusing his gaze on her again.

"Yeah, exactly."

"I care about you for all those reasons, and for many others, but still not one of them is why I actually care about you."

"It's difficult to explain. When I was going rampant I just knew I didn't understand something and that I would need to figure something out. But I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried, none of it just made any sense. But when we landed on the Requiem and the Didact was about to kill you, everything just fell into the right places." Cortana tried to explain, maybe even more to herself than to him.

"My rampancy clones… Even though what they tried, but when you were actually going to die, they were able to become necessarily single-minded to know that we couldn't lose you. We wouldn't lose you. And that's when I realized, I don't have to understand it. Feelings might not be anything logical, factually based, but it doesn't make them any less _real_. I need you, and whether that is rational or not, I still need you, and I can, therefore, base my actions on that. Make it a fact. Accept the logic behind illogical things." John could see Cortana's features relaxing.

"Maybe that's Metastability. I don't know." She shrugged, giving an unsure smile.

"And with you, I don't think. It's the only time when all my thought processes just halt, and I can purely exist. Which is pretty ironic, because you also occupy much of my data processes."

"I can't explain what caring is, because it's a thing I could ultimately explain for hours, but eventually even that might not be enough. You care or you don't care."

She looked at him sympathetically, and at the same time, easing a little from her slumped position.

"People usually learn these things during childhood; you never had that chance. It's a process, it takes time. You should give it that." She advised him gently.

John looked at her for a long time, before finally voicing his concern, "And if I should care now?" The raspiness of his voice only added to the enquiring look on his face.

"I've had over four more years to think of this than you, I know that."

The conversation was seemingly coming to an end as Chief nodded a small 'thank you', and was about to leave the room.

He took one last look at Cortana who pressed her forehead back to the cool glass and closed her eyes.

At least he had started to care about caring. You have to start from somewhere, right?


End file.
